I thought it was funny. Chris at work, she's a girl, she's in her 60's when she first started working at the stables (restaurant) she would just kinda pace back and forth with a look of grim and gloom on her face. and it looked like she was walking on a tight rope because she wears those sketcher shape ups so each step looked very high from the floor and very purposely balanced as if she could fall to her death at any moment. Little did I know a little five foot woman hiding a huge hilarious fun personality which encompassed being a flower child in the 60's. she will dance and dance and then get you to dance and then find a stuffed animal somehow, no matter where you are, to cuddle with because it is soft. If you hear anyone say, "Keewl Man." your best bet is it came out of her mouth. In passing tonight I hear her say, "I ate one of the fries that fell off the plate onto my tray and now I want fries." I laughed. sometimes when you pass her she'll just be looking down at her feet. She almost died once. Now she says she pays really close attention to everything. like when she's driving in her car to go to work and she sees a robin or a blue jay fly by, or a dog, she just really looks, I guess it's like the feeling that it's all so fleeting..blink and
I think the secret to get the most out of it is to listen to yourself and not anybody else. what. do. you. want. to. do. and most people think in terms of money. well, if you follow the money with no regard for what you'd really really enjoy in life, you will die either chasing or having caught.nothing .you. want. I know it's true that if you just have the guts to start doing what you want. when you want to.when it pleases you. when it fulfills you, you will bring the very essence of you into life, and that is something that will grow and expand into something you've not yet dreamed of now, and you, arriving at yourself, learning through what you feel compelled to do will catch a death eventually. and it will be amazing.

A loner must give of themselves to the world freely without expecting anything back if they are going to actively live in this world without disillusionment. It's only a lonely path because you've hijacked the snow blower and are looking for something way better in this white out of a world.

It was a very scary night. and i'll fart in your house. it was a kind of scary night and i'm scared to buy tampons. it was not a scary night and i'll drink all you beer ounces. it was an unassuming night and i'll avoid you like the plauge and i'll go and get hay fever at some concert that will elude me in the mornings to come casue it's vauge, just like the morning sun if you don't leap out your window with a scarf and wrap it around that sun and pull it down and eat the fuck out of it. son where did the sun go, say son, I did the scarf thing and then i ate the fuck out of it...well you better make sure you get to school on time, I don't know how long you'll be laid off trying to digest the sun, but if your not to school on time there will be serious repercussions. sly smile on the guy who is the sun who ate the son, for he knows his mother can't threaten the sun might not rise tomorow. If he regurgitates it then it will, but without him so we don't wanna do what we did before. so let's let the son have his sun, I bet it will do a body good. and this boys and girls is a case of worst case senerio actualizing to be just the start of more good things to come and having the only actuality change, brought about by doing things differnetly and eating the stars. i just need some kids for these amazing bedtime stories. i'll find some tomorow, they seem to be everywhere.

what bothers me is that I can feel things so deeply that I know intuitively exactly the one material place to look for the answer I need, so I always come fully loaded to the table, and then , this is after dealing with all the excess emotions of knowing too much, trying to calm myself and think rationally, normally, and then try to sit down and meet the event or the person half way in normalsville. but there is no normalsville, there is just a lack of imagination out there. But every once and again when I let things slip it might as well have been blowing in the wind anywho, and I wish it would just take me with it. Nobody seems to want to eat the wind, digest the wind assimilate the wind.
Ive been watching this guy who has, through simple numerology found the equations to find love, god whatever you wanna call it...the force that is everything and how it materializes, numbers are sacred geometry and vise versa, and all the mathmeticians just could not think that simply. 3 6 and 9 are the unseen operating forces. 1 and 8 mirror eachother (9 is "god") where there is one there is 8 mirroring it just like opposing thumbs. but we only have opposing numbers because the zero force sends out three rays 9 being the z axis and 3 and 6, and they cut things between the 1 and 8 (9) 2 and 7, 4 and 5. and it goes round and round, in a coil like thingy. I'm not done watching it, halfway through. but I swear to god the z axis that is nine is going straight through my head and I can seriously feel it and it keeps telling me it's there, like a photo will smash and then there is the pyramid of glass broken out of the frame so the point is at the top of the persons head. I mean yes that's where we connect spiritually to the nine...uhmmm
I woke up telling myself two things, and they were very simple and basic and kind of like duh, but 1. location is chosen by the observer (because physically before you chose which one it is you want to be (and that's how you chose the where) you are everywhere before you chose. but you are actually nowhere before you chose which one. ether. 9=0 in some sense, but not at all, we are the filler for that equation. we are the 0 experiencing the 9.
and the other thing I woke up having to think is that water always knows. yes, it's been proven that all energy has intelligence but there is something about water. it always knows what to do and it takes electricity. so if we are gonna use this 9 and hook up to unlimited energy and the ability to be the "queen on the chess board" as that guy was saying, I think we need to interview water. so you know, that's what will be in my head today at the bar while serving these drinks to these people, how to interview water. because even if I am an 8, there always has to be 1 for balance. thank you invisible 3 and 6. I am gonna interview water though, so I can learn how to move with intent and not just float on air or slide on water. vaporize me. right.
the other thought, well it was more of a realization is that space is an illusion. we are always in the same spot, doing everything at once, the motion of the coils is expanding and retracting, we are simultaneously doing this, so everything which is nothing is eternal and it's all happening in the exact same spot which is nowhere. I can see why 0 was lonely and wanted to create 9 imaginary friends. forever and eternity do not extend forever eternally, they regenerate, on the inside and come back around. forever and a day is in you not outside.
oh screw it let's keep going. this is the reason for everything so let's explain why I only eat RAW fruits and vegetables. Energy has intellegence. our most vibrant life source energy here on the planet purest available is the sun. that knowlegde is locked in fruit and vegetables. Fruit is the highest vibrating thing besides a rose you can ingest. you are literally swallowing all the intellegence of the universe that we can get our hands on. that does alot once it hits the gut. and you can then learn to eat the wind and the sun itself. it's the molecular structure, before you kill it with heat that knows what to do in your body...all false presumptions created in a dense acidic world, like disease, weak genetic predispositions..they disipate. and don't worry about the mind catching up, that's just a computer in your body, it's not you, with this nutrition it will, and your thoughts will recognize truth, because the message is in the energy, not in the material, not in the cells and fluids of your brian, but the energy flowing through it and all the other organs in and around your body. On Stan Lee's super humans, there was a man who could do any math equation in his head before a calculator could even arrive at the answer. it was insane. he was spitting out numbers like .000223459873647612 at a rate where his mouth could barely keep up. and what they saw in his brain was that it was operating from area 44 which is where we locate things, like targets and it makes minute adjustments so that we can quickly and effortlessly locate and zero in on an object. his brain was doing no computations, it was merely locating the answer.they were coming in through the z axis in his head, the 9 that zero created. our brains and bodies are merely the imaginary number friends growing on a vine of the nine. and THAT. THAT is what we are. we are the answer. not the brain. we are the thing that has the answer. the intellegence in the energy. I'm gonna ask water what it thinks about that. riiight after work. oh look this is my ninth post, well number 8 I never posted. it was dumb

we're not trying to be understood. we're trying to have people see what we want to be by learning about ourselves through other people. and that's when the you and me gets blurred. and that's the alchemey of relationships. so it's not entirely selfish becasue nobody is ever a single solid entity energetically. and stuff. lately I've been eating grapes with and onion and raw applae cider vinegar. if you were to ask me how it is I'd be like, "it's good it's good" like when someone asks you how life's been and it feels like the question stabbed you in the belly button, casue your still battleing, with "the life" and all. But I really do like that meal, how I arrived at it is a whole other story and sometimes if the energy of the story will not be met by an audience that has ever experienced the energy levels that brought you to be extremely weird, then it's best left unsaid. or so I've been told, as I was simultaneously learning that. Casue that's how life works, it all comes together at once, and it helps if you put yourself in your selfs place..at no specific time. that's when the magic happens. no spell check tonight, this is creative interpretation. there are heroic intentions on sketchy paths

there is magic is the air that wasn't there just over a month ago. smell the electricity and green dew in the air. look at the moon and the brightest star and all those little stars that have been watching you all along. Maybe we are only beginning to notice them noticing us or perhaps our interest has peaked theirs. The moon says, aw, yes don't try to wake up you meet unconsciousness here. The air says here are your possibilities fresh to you as if they were new, and now that you are not awake or sleep you can choose, leap on my fresh green platforms floating in space. the earth says dig your heels in and spin. grow tall in the sunshine like jacks bean stalk and explore the higher houses of your growing seed.

notes to self

"Great Pumpkin Fiesta 2017"
it's not 2017
"I know but I say what I want when I want to"
no you don't
"I do when I'm alone"
fair enough
"we are gonna make , we are gonna scoop out a pumpkin and then make pumpkin pudding and then put it back in the pumpkin"
anything else
"we are all one. and I'm gonna make that pumpkin pudding with dates and coconut water and perhaps coconut meat" the other day I dropped my chap stick under the feet of my car. actually that's a falsity. just under my feet in my car. it had stuff on it like dirt and leaves, but I still use it. every idea we had helps us further the ideas we were having and that's not good. sometimes you need to find an idea from a spontaneous moment that wasn't connected to the mess of connection before. anything impossible is always possible, because polarity is just the bottom of an 8. and that's why were gonna put 8 dates in our pudding and call it the pumpkin pudding of eternity."
sometimes when you express yourself it alienates me
"Oh peeshaw said the person saying an onimana peea and then telling the other half of themselves to meet at the infinity symbol's midddle....and like stuff, mann."